LOOKING OUT FOR ME

Jane watches her family through the blinds in the inner room taking a family picture. Her parent, her elder brother, his two children and her elder sister. All trying to pose for a picture. They were all good looking. She watches her brother and her sister for a while,both are six foot four. They were so good looking that she sometime ask herself where on earth she was from.  Her gaze shifted to her mother who still looks so pretty and young for her age. Even old age was unable to hide her pretty face…then, she moves her gaze to her one and only sister. Beatrice…..that one lady that intimidates her with beauty. She was beautiful in a way that got to any man with decent eyesight and the smallest drop of testosterone in his body. Her skin was so smooth, she has brown eyes which was fringe by incredibly long skillfully darkened lashes and long hair that was naturally wavy. She watches her through the blinds with envious eyes.

Where had she come from?…she wondered. It was so strange that her siblings could all be so different and pretty and yet, she alone had miss out of it.
Everyone refer to them as the pretty three but Jane knew that she was included in the set of ‘pretty’ because she was a member of the family.

She wasn’t surprise that they didn’t notice the fact that she wasn’t in the picture. Of what use is it to have a face ruin the beautiful picture ? She thought. It was so hard to control the sharp pang of resentment that hit her. Didn’t one of them realize how it felt to be always the odd one out among the family?

They were all exceptionally tall,  making her appear shorter than her 5 foot 7. Why must she be the only one that have missed out on real beauty. It was so hard not to feel rebellious at times.

After about 12 snap shot, Peter was the first to notice her absent.

‘Where is Jane he asked?’ I never knew she hadn’t been here.

'Oh! I did know. I never bother because Jane is not a photo frick. She doesn’t really like taking pictures' Replied Beatrice her sister with richly textured voice that showed no emotion.

'This is not about just an ordinary picture interupted Bidemi, their mother..Peter and his children are going back to the state in 2 days time, it’s so important we have a family picture to replace the old one in the living room and without Jane, the picture is incomplete'.

Jane! Jane! Beatrice called reluctantly. Her lovely voice filled the air. That angelic voice that was given to her sister and deprived from her Jane thought. That same voice had made her sister standout in school and popular, everyone would beg to hear her sing, she ended up being popular when people started calling her angel’s sister.

Jane wonder why God had bless her sister with all the gift a lady could ever wish for and why she had been bless with nothing. 

Although people refer to her as being good looking, not until they meet her siblings especially her sister, then they change to ’Are you kidding me? Are these your siblings?’

‘You don’t even look like them!’ Some would say ‘Wow! Where on earth do you come from?’

One day, a friend had suggested that she must have been adopted. This had affected her so badly that she had asked her mother if she was really adopted.

'What? Why do you have to ask such a question? Her mother had asked and told her seriously ‘Jane, don’t ever underestimate yourself because you haven’t got the same striking good looks your siblings have. You are unique in your own way.’

Don’t ever let anyone overshadow you.

Jane had smiled back at her mother but rather than feel better, she had felt so bad. Why must she be constantly reminded of her siblings striking looks by different unthinkable comments?

Listening to the excited chatter of her family in the living room, she  made a determined effort to overcome the feelings of depression that had weighed her down as she walks towards her family with a fake smile to get her horrible face in the family photo.

‘Where have you been Jane?’ asked her father.

‘I was clearing something dad’ She lied. Beatrice was able to discover the fact that her sister was lying, she wonders what she had been up to as she pulled her sister to her side to pose for a picture they were about taking.

Wonderful! The photographer shouted. 'You would surely love this. Hey Jane! You’ve got to smile this time around to look pretty'.

Jane looked at the photographer fighting the wave of sadness that threatened to overwhelm her. ‘Here we are again' she thought as she tried so hard to stop the tears that found their way down her cheek.
'What’s it dearie are you crying? Her mother had asked

'Nothing mother, am not just feeling too well'. She immediately walk away from her family, wen tstraight to her room and lock the door with the larger gilt key. Then she threw herself into one of the wing chair and abandoned herself to a fit of weeping. She wept for all her lost dreams, dreams she lost through her overshadowing sister, all the wasted dreams, for her own stupidity that she could ever withstand her sister in any aspect.

'Jane! I need to talk to you, open the door' shouted her mother.

'No! I want to be left alone'. She didn’t want to see anyone. She went in front of her dressing mirror and there it was again, her face!That reflection that couldn't even compete with her sister's striking look. She tried some make up on, yet she knew all was in vein.

slide-1.png

You +1'd this publicly. Undo

She went to her music player to put her favourite song by Christiania Aguilera ‘You are Beautiful’. The song that always make her feel beautiful.

The lyrics of the song came so strong

“You are beautiful no matter what they say”

 “Word can’t bring you down, don’t you bring yourself down too”

The song worked the perfect magic as she slept off.

Jane woke up the next morning smelling pancake all over the house. She was sure mother had plan making pancake, her best snack to make her feel happy. It surely works as she walks down the stairs to the kitchen.

‘Are you okay sweetie?’ Her mother asked.

‘I am better now mother’. She said as she took a mouthful. She walks to the dining table to sit and finish the pancake only to sight her sister and John laughing in the sitting room. She tiptoed back to the kitchen and decided going to her room through the back door. No she doesn’t want to see her sister, especially John.

John had been a childhood friend, her first secret admire. He was tall, handsome and intelligent. She had really liked him but Beatrice had disliked him the first day she met him not until Jane travel to visit grandma for two weeks and came back did she realize that Beatrice was going out with John.

What? Why?

No!

She had felt so bad and cried for month and had secretly despised her sister. She had taken away John from her. Why does her sister love overshadowing her in every aspect? She could remember those time in secondary school when she was the best student in debating clu her sister had joined and instantly beaten her to her game. Her beauty, voice and the fact that she had the power to attract people's attention made Beatrice steal her spot.

Why must she always take away what she wanted, what she almost have or what she had? She wondered. She couldn’t stand their sight. As she was about going up the stairs, Beatrice sighted her, walk toward her younger sister.

‘Jane, you are awake? John is here, come say hi.’  She pulled her sister towards John. You guys were close friend I wonder what happen now. Beatrice asked.

‘You had happened bitch!’ Jane said to herself. The few hours she spent with them were hurtful as all she wanted to do was go to her room and be alone.

Beatrice being posted to Abuja for her NYSC was one of the best things that had happen to Jane. She couldn’t wait to be freed from her overshadowing presence. She was able to get all the spot she didn’t get in church and everywhere else immediately her sister had left.  Although, she had however realize that it was no use  being envious of Beatrice because whether she is or not, her sister will forever be prettier in every aspect.

She had made friend with Morakinyo an Engineer in one of the multi-national company in Lagos. He was a nice, good-looking guy who loves spending time with her and finds her attractive. Yes find her attractive now... but not when he meets the beauty....
 'My sister is very beautiful' she had said to Morakinyo on their first date.It sounded more like a warning than being proud of her sister.

‘You have told me this so many times today...I wonder why you keep telling me this’ replied Morakinyo. ‘You must be really proud of her.’

Yes I am she lied.

Jane prepared to introduce Morakinyo to her parent as he had insisted. She felt so Happy, she couldn’t wait to introduce the love of her life to her parent. It was just a day to the day Morakinyo was coming. She had cleaned the garden, house and everything to welcome him into a beautiful and clean house.

She heard a knock on the door and as she went to answer the door, she was taken aback. It was Beatrice.

'Oh!' Jane tongue seemed to have stuck to the roof of her mouth at the appearance of her sister.You came? 'Why did you come home?...........

'Why not? Jane? Are you alright?'

'Is this how to welcome your sister who hadn’t been around for three month?' Beatrice asked surprisely as she pushed her way through the door and left her sister taken aback.

Am just so happy and surprise to see you Jane lied. Surprise she was, but not happy. Why should she feel this way toward her blood sister? she wondered. She help with her luggage and went to her room.

Beatrice unpacked and decided having a gist with her sister on her three weeks orientation camp. Guess what?' She said

'You won the Miss NYSC pageant'.

‘What? How do you know? I never did tell you.’

‘I know a lot about you Beatrice'. No one could beat you in that aspect’ replied Jane.

‘Is that a complement? Asked Beatrice

‘Sure it is elder sister’

‘Well, I did have a problem with one of my friend who got angry and called me her boyfriend snatcher’.

‘Hum..’ Jane sounded feeling so uncomfortable. You did go out with your friend’s guy?

Yes! For God sake, don’t make me feel bad, I did like him and he did also like me. I didn’t force myself on him'.

'That’s just so weird Beatrice'.

‘Whatever….’ Beatrice answered ‘I am bored speaking to you. Oh! Mother said we are expecting a friend of yours tomorrow. Who is he?

Just a friend' Jane said uninterestedly and pushed her sister out of the room.

'Jane!' Beatrice called through the door; 'I am going to have to tell your friend how rude you are to me today'.

At night, she wondered why she had told her sister that Morakinyo is just a friend.

Morakinyo came as expected and was treated so nicely by her family especially…….Beatrice.

'Oh! You even look prettier than your sister had described' Morakinyo told Beatrice who blush at every compliment and said 'Thanks'. From that moment, it had been so hard for Jane to get Morakinyo’s full attention.

'Can you come help me here' Beatrice had called Morakinyo and instantly, he had run to help like a bleating goat. Even her mother had said nothing about it.

Jane resentment for her sister instantly grew. Sometime, Jane wished she never did have a sister or she never did have a sister as pretty and overshadowing as Beatrice.

When Jane heard that Beatrice had broken up with John, she became so afraid. 'Why? Could she have someone else in mind? One night while eating, Beatrice had asked Jane again who Morakinyo was to her.

‘How does that affect you?’ was Jane replied.

‘It doesn’t, you just hardly talk about it and I don’t know…sometime I think you act strange when he’s around me’

‘He’s a friend’ she said sharply.

‘Are you sure about that?’ He hardly talks about……..

He’s a friend interrupted Jane. At night, she wondered again why she had refused to tell her sister   the truth. Why hadn’t Morakinyo tell her himself She thought. After all, she had spent the whole afternoon helping her mother in the kitchen while they were both gisting in the living room.

It took her being alone in her room and reading about love in the bible for Jane to realize that she needs help.  A spiritual help. What had happen to her? Why had she deliberately grown up to be a monster that dislikes her blood sister? What had happen to the love they had shared as sisters? She needed help she realized. She knelt down in her room and ask God to help her flush away the spirit of jealousy and enviousness. She opened her eyes to feel so relieved.

Where is Beatrice she asked her mother?

She went out  shopping with a friend replied mother.

This is the time she had to let her sister know what she had been feeling, to apologize to her for being that envious and ever thinking her sister could be such a slut. She knew she had to let it out to be free from the powerful grip of jealosy. She entered a jewel shop to get her sister a beautiful necklace as a gift. She was about paying for the gift only to sight her sister negotiating an item with the sales person. She walked toward her happily but was surprise to see Morakinyo beside her.

What? What could the two of them be doing together she wondered. Morakinyo showed Beatrice a bunch of flower, she nodded her head in approval. He smiled at her and knelt to present the flower. This gesture caught the attention of most of the shoppers in the supermarket as they walk toward the couple to applause them.

Jane tried so hard to breath, she try so hard to hide the awful truth that shuddered through her as  walk out of the jewel shop and sat on a pavement beside a distant shop. It felt like the end of the world to her. Having a sister that had it all and yet wanted the only thing she thought she had. The smile on Beatrice face had said it all, they were in love.. She had taken again what belong to her. Sitting down breathless and weak she sighted them coming out of the shop smiling and entering a car. Jane stood determine not to give up, the knot of anxiety that swelled in her chest pushed against her heart like a fist, she gripped the arm of the chair she was sitting on in an attempt to still the dizziness that swarmed over her. ‘Beatrice!’ she said aloud You’ve taken everything from me, you leave me no option than to fight you. ‘You will only have him over your dead body! She said as headed straight home

Getting home, she saw her mother dancing and humming her best song. Something must be going on she thought. She called Debra her niece and asked “Is there a party or something?”

‘Yes aunty replied Debra. Your birthday is today! Have you forgotten?’ I overheard mother, Uncle Morakinyo and Aunty Beatrice in the kitchen a few minute ago saying…Debra decided whispering to her ear “There is going to be a wedding”

Oh! That was all Jane could say as she watches her niece who began dancing.

“Are you not happy?” Debra asked

“Sure I am…I am just surprise I was the last to know”

It’s a surprise aunty! Uncle Morakinyo said that and they don’t know I am aware of it. Can you keep it as a secret until it is being announced today?

“Announce? Today! Wow! On my birthday?”

Promise aunty? Debra asked.

Promise! She said as she walks to her room thoughtfully. This indeed is a package of surprise to her. First, she forgot that today was her birthday, second, her fiancé was getting married to………..her sister!

 How dare her parent know about it and never objected. Are these are family or are these what families are to be. Everyone knows, even her little niece. This had made her stand on her decision even stronger. She is surely going to fight back with the last drop of blood in her. Dressing up to look good despite her unhappiness she headed down to embrace her surprise package.

Everyone was already there; mother and father were smiling at Morakinyo’s mother while Beatrice…where is she? She thoughtfully asks as her eyes search for Beatrice only to see her pretty sister beside a tall cute guy. Who could this be she thought and where is Morakinyo?
Her sister looks as usual, like the line-up for a beauty contest as she smiled confidently. She was so transparently jealous of her sister.

 Then came in Morakinyo who walk toward Beatrice, whisper something in her ear and they both walk out smiling. He came back in and smiled at her. You have been so scares nowadays he told Jane. His tone was non-committed but the gleam came back into his eyes as he saw Beatrice. Jane became relieve as her sister claimed his attention by putting her hands in his arms and saying persuasively ‘How about us going to the dancing space to have a dance?’ Jane could not help noticing the look of appreciation in his eyes as he smiled back.

Am I permitted? He asked Jane

What? Asking me for my…

Sure! She ended up saying

You have my blessing. She said offhandedly and walks away.

Nothing in the world would stop her now. Nothing! She told herself as she took the substance from her pocket and walk straight to the kitchen.

She stood still as everyone sang a happy birthday song to her. She felt so relief when the song was over. It was dancing time and while everyone was dancing Morakinyo’s mother walks toward her and smiled for a while. You are such a good lady.

‘Thank you ma’ she said and walks away before she could utter another word.

Good lady you think? I am going to let you all know that I am not a fool today. Beatrice asked for a drink and began drinking for a while. Janet handed a glass of wine to the housemaid and asks her to give her elder sister who was requesting for more drink.

Wow! She is almost drunk Janet thought and laughed. She would be so relief once she is alone without her. She sat down to watch her sister and her…ex fiance dance…Enjoying every moment of her sister’s last dance………on EARTH.

I need to make a toast drunken Beatrice said trying so hard to get everyone’s attention. She succeeded at last as everyone gathered round the table to hear her out.

Here is it...Bitch! Say it out and go to HELL!

Before this toss, Beatrice continued I want to tell my sister a secret. Jane! My one and only sister..you mean the world to me.

Whatever! Jane said..Pretender..Just tell the whole world about your engagement.

My sister has not been the most attractive lady Beatrice continues…but in my eyes, her beauty is far above looks. She does not have a pretty voice as I do, but she is the brain behind the song I sing, she writes such good song for me to sing and yet, I get all the applause. I boldly say today that I get jealous of her.

At that point, everyone started whispering with surprise.

“Yes I know it’s hard for you to believe me, but she has it all.” I know she might have not commanded stares like I do, but the few she command are more responsible than the lots I have.

Jane for the first time decided paying attention to what her sister was saying. She looked at her and for the first time, she saw sincerity in her. Beatrice meant every damn word that comes out of her lips.

Beatrice took another sip and continued. Now she was speaking but staggering at the same time.

She tried walking to her sister and stops her from taking another sip…That drink she had poisoned. Mother stops her halfway and told her to listen to what her sister is saying.

‘The drink…She said’

Listen to your sister her mother insisted and at that moment tears drip down her eyes.

I might be a Barbie, Beatrice continue but an empty one I am. Jane she raised her glass to her sister. You have it all! Inner beauty, outside, intelligent and every other things. I am surprise you never did know. I got to know last month through my sister’s diary that I had stolen John, her first love from her.

Everybody whispered and mother tried stopping Beatrice from speaking but she stubbornly continued.

I had to break up with him because I felt so bad about it. But Jane..You are so strong! You never acted badly to me despite that, you have been an angel that God had sent to me.

Everybody applauded but Janet felt so bad…she tried to stop her sister from taking another sip but was pinned down by Morakinyo who was beside her.

All you need to have done was to tell me. Beatrice continues. This time, she was really feeling so weak. She held her stomached as she continued with a laugh.

What about her secret affair with Morakinyo? Jane thought. Today, Morakinyo has something to tell you Jane, Beatrice continued. She looked at Morakinyo who knelt beside her with the same flowers she had seen with him in the supermarket . Inside the flower was a wring and he asked

‘Would you marry me?’

 Marry you? But... I thought you were having something to do with my sister?

What, your sister?

I mean…

Jane, Morakinyo had told me he really loves you and want to impress you with his marriage proposal so I had to help him out replied Beatrice.I remembered your dream proposal was for you to be propose on your birthday with a ring hidden inside a flower. Have you forgotten you told me so? Asked Beatrice
Yes I can remember Jane said. She could surely remembered she had told her sister about her dream proposal seven years ago . Wow!

Jane! Morakinyo said  At a point, I don’t seem to understand you, you always want to be alone and I had to confide in your sister.
''You call me just a friend and even abandon me. SO I decided always being not far away from you till you have the strength to tell me what is bothering you.

Oh! That was the only thing that could come out of Jane’s mouth.

“How would your life be different if…You stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day…You stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others” 

You get so insecure with yourself and don"t even appreciate your worth. Dearie, I love you, you are damn so beautiful to me and because of this, i dedicate this song to you. He whistle at the DJ who immediately played Bruno Mars' "Just the way you are. Jane became so shy and embarrassed. All this while she had been so in-secured with herself and overpowered by her sister's beauty, Morakinyo has been aware.
She bit her upper lips to overcome her embarrassment and only stop when she realized she was bleeding.
Morakinyo came so close to her and whisper according to Bruno Mars' song
"Don't even bother to ask if you look okay you know I would say..when i see your face, there is not a thing I would change cos you are amazing, just the way that you are.''
Despite being embarrassed, for the first time, she felt relieved. After all beauty is in the eyes of the beholder she thought.

"This is my Fiance" Beatrice interrupted as she introduced the cute guy beside her as she held her stomach.

You have had enough Mother said but at that moment, Beatrice staggered and fell. Are you alright? Is she alright? Everyone said as they run here and there to get a doctor. While closing her eyes, Beatrice whisper to Jane. “I Love You!”


                                       "Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside.              
                         We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us.
                          But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.”

No!!!!!!!!! She shouted.

What is it? Your sister just collapse and all you have to do is shout asked her mother.

I would be right back she said as she ran to the kitchen to look for the house help. She was not there. Where could this girl be ss="MsoNormal"> I have been hiding from you all days because the drink you gave me to give aunty was taken forcefully from me by a guest who came for the party. I told him that the wine was strictly to be given to the celebrant’s sister and nobody else. He insisted and when he drags it from me, the cup fell and no….

Jane gave a sigh of relieve.

I am sorry ma I would have…continued the house maid.

Not to worry, you can go.

God had really save her from the devil Jane thought as she walked back to her sister’s room. She found her sleeping. She sat beside her and watched her for a while. The memories of being propose to flash through her head and she smiled, not for the proposal but for the fact that her dearest sister is alive. Nothing in the world meant so much to her than her sister. I love you too her sister whispered to her as she gave her a kiss.