LOOKING OUT FOR ME

Jane watches her family through the blinds in the inner room taking a family picture. Her parent, her elder brother, his two children and her elder sister. All trying to pose for a picture. They were all good looking. She watches her brother and her sister for a while,both are six foot four. They were so good looking that she sometime ask herself where on earth she was from.  Her gaze shifted to her mother who still looks so pretty and young for her age. Even old age was unable to hide her pretty face…then, she moves her gaze to her one and only sister. Beatrice…..that one lady that intimidates her with beauty. She was beautiful in a way that got to any man with decent eyesight and the smallest drop of testosterone in his body. Her skin was so smooth, she has brown eyes which was fringe by incredibly long skillfully darkened lashes and long hair that was naturally wavy. She watches her through the blinds with envious eyes.

Where had she come from?…she wondered. It was so strange that her siblings could all be so different and pretty and yet, she alone had miss out of it.
Everyone refer to them as the pretty three but Jane knew that she was included in the set of ‘pretty’ because she was a member of the family.

She wasn’t surprise that they didn’t notice the fact that she wasn’t in the picture. Of what use is it to have a face ruin the beautiful picture ? She thought. It was so hard to control the sharp pang of resentment that hit her. Didn’t one of them realize how it felt to be always the odd one out among the family?

They were all exceptionally tall,  making her appear shorter than her 5 foot 7. Why must she be the only one that have missed out on real beauty. It was so hard not to feel rebellious at times.

After about 12 snap shot, Peter was the first to notice her absent.

‘Where is Jane he asked?’ I never knew she hadn’t been here.

'Oh! I did know. I never bother because Jane is not a photo frick. She doesn’t really like taking pictures' Replied Beatrice her sister with richly textured voice that showed no emotion.

'This is not about just an ordinary picture interupted Bidemi, their mother..Peter and his children are going back to the state in 2 days time, it’s so important we have a family picture to replace the old one in the living room and without Jane, the picture is incomplete'.

Jane! Jane! Beatrice called reluctantly. Her lovely voice filled the air. That angelic voice that was given to her sister and deprived from her Jane thought. That same voice had made her sister standout in school and popular, everyone would beg to hear her sing, she ended up being popular when people started calling her angel’s sister.

Jane wonder why God had bless her sister with all the gift a lady could ever wish for and why she had been bless with nothing. 

Although people refer to her as being good looking, not until they meet her siblings especially her sister, then they change to ’Are you kidding me? Are these your siblings?’

‘You don’t even look like them!’ Some would say ‘Wow! Where on earth do you come from?’

One day, a friend had suggested that she must have been adopted. This had affected her so badly that she had asked her mother if she was really adopted.

'What? Why do you have to ask such a question? Her mother had asked and told her seriously ‘Jane, don’t ever underestimate yourself because you haven’t got the same striking good looks your siblings have. You are unique in your own way.’

Don’t ever let anyone overshadow you.

Jane had smiled back at her mother but rather than feel better, she had felt so bad. Why must she be constantly reminded of her siblings striking looks by different unthinkable comments?

Listening to the excited chatter of her family in the living room, she  made a determined effort to overcome the feelings of depression that had weighed her down as she walks towards her family with a fake smile to get her horrible face in the family photo.

‘Where have you been Jane?’ asked her father.

‘I was clearing something dad’ She lied. Beatrice was able to discover the fact that her sister was lying, she wonders what she had been up to as she pulled her sister to her side to pose for a picture they were about taking.

Wonderful! The photographer shouted. 'You would surely love this. Hey Jane! You’ve got to smile this time around to look pretty'.

Jane looked at the photographer fighting the wave of sadness that threatened to overwhelm her. ‘Here we are again' she thought as she tried so hard to stop the tears that found their way down her cheek.
'What’s it dearie are you crying? Her mother had asked

'Nothing mother, am not just feeling too well'. She immediately walk away from her family, wen tstraight to her room and lock the door with the larger gilt key. Then she threw herself into one of the wing chair and abandoned herself to a fit of weeping. She wept for all her lost dreams, dreams she lost through her overshadowing sister, all the wasted dreams, for her own stupidity that she could ever withstand her sister in any aspect.

'Jane! I need to talk to you, open the door' shouted her mother.

'No! I want to be left alone'. She didn’t want to see anyone. She went in front of her dressing mirror and there it was again, her face!That reflection that couldn't even compete with her sister's striking look. She tried some make up on, yet she knew all was in vein.

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She went to her music player to put her favourite song by Christiania Aguilera ‘You are Beautiful’. The song that always make her feel beautiful.

The lyrics of the song came so strong

“You are beautiful no matter what they say”

 “Word can’t bring you down, don’t you bring yourself down too”

The song worked the perfect magic as she slept off.

Jane woke up the next morning smelling pancake all over the house. She was sure mother had plan making pancake, her best snack to make her feel happy. It surely works as she walks down the stairs to the kitchen.

‘Are you okay sweetie?’ Her mother asked.

‘I am better now mother’. She said as she took a mouthful. She walks to the dining table to sit and finish the pancake only to sight her sister and John laughing in the sitting room. She tiptoed back to the kitchen and decided going to her room through the back door. No she doesn’t want to see her sister, especially John.

John had been a childhood friend, her first secret admire. He was tall, handsome and intelligent. She had really liked him but Beatrice had disliked him the first day she met him not until Jane travel to visit grandma for two weeks and came back did she realize that Beatrice was going out with John.

What? Why?

No!

She had felt so bad and cried for month and had secretly despised her sister. She had taken away John from her. Why does her sister love overshadowing her in every aspect? She could remember those time in secondary school when she was the best student in debating clu her sister had joined and instantly beaten her to her game. Her beauty, voice and the fact that she had the power to attract people's attention made Beatrice steal her spot.

Why must she always take away what she wanted, what she almost have or what she had? She wondered. She couldn’t stand their sight. As she was about going up the stairs, Beatrice sighted her, walk toward her younger sister.

‘Jane, you are awake? John is here, come say hi.’  She pulled her sister towards John. You guys were close friend I wonder what happen now. Beatrice asked.

‘You had happened bitch!’ Jane said to herself. The few hours she spent with them were hurtful as all she wanted to do was go to her room and be alone.

Beatrice being posted to Abuja for her NYSC was one of the best things that had happen to Jane. She couldn’t wait to be freed from her overshadowing presence. She was able to get all the spot she didn’t get in church and everywhere else immediately her sister had left.  Although, she had however realize that it was no use  being envious of Beatrice because whether she is or not, her sister will forever be prettier in every aspect.

She had made friend with Morakinyo an Engineer in one of the multi-national company in Lagos. He was a nice, good-looking guy who loves spending time with her and finds her attractive. Yes find her attractive now... but not when he meets the beauty....
 'My sister is very beautiful' she had said to Morakinyo on their first date.It sounded more like a warning than being proud of her sister.

‘You have told me this so many times today...I wonder why you keep telling me this’ replied Morakinyo. ‘You must be really proud of her.’

Yes I am she lied.

Jane prepared to introduce Morakinyo to her parent as he had insisted. She felt so Happy, she couldn’t wait to introduce the love of her life to her parent. It was just a day to the day Morakinyo was coming. She had cleaned the garden, house and everything to welcome him into a beautiful and clean house.

She heard a knock on the door and as she went to answer the door, she was taken aback. It was Beatrice.

'Oh!' Jane tongue seemed to have stuck to the roof of her mouth at the appearance of her sister.You came? 'Why did you come home?...........

'Why not? Jane? Are you alright?'

'Is this how to welcome your sister who hadn’t been around for three month?' Beatrice asked surprisely as she pushed her way through the door and left her sister taken aback.

Am just so happy and surprise to see you Jane lied. Surprise she was, but not happy. Why should she feel this way toward her blood sister? she wondered. She help with her luggage and went to her room.

Beatrice unpacked and decided having a gist with her sister on her three weeks orientation camp. Guess what?' She said

'You won the Miss NYSC pageant'.

‘What? How do you know? I never did tell you.’

‘I know a lot about you Beatrice'. No one could beat you in that aspect’ replied Jane.

‘Is that a complement? Asked Beatrice

‘Sure it is elder sister’

‘Well, I did have a problem with one of my friend who got angry and called me her boyfriend snatcher’.

‘Hum..’ Jane sounded feeling so uncomfortable. You did go out with your friend’s guy?

Yes! For God sake, don’t make me feel bad, I did like him and he did also like me. I didn’t force myself on him'.

'That’s just so weird Beatrice'.

‘Whatever….’ Beatrice answered ‘I am bored speaking to you. Oh! Mother said we are expecting a friend of yours tomorrow. Who is he?

Just a friend' Jane said uninterestedly and pushed her sister out of the room.

'Jane!' Beatrice called through the door; 'I am going to have to tell your friend how rude you are to me today'.

At night, she wondered why she had told her sister that Morakinyo is just a friend.

Morakinyo came as expected and was treated so nicely by her family especially…….Beatrice.

'Oh! You even look prettier than your sister had described' Morakinyo told Beatrice who blush at every compliment and said 'Thanks'. From that moment, it had been so hard for Jane to get Morakinyo’s full attention.

'Can you come help me here' Beatrice had called Morakinyo and instantly, he had run to help like a bleating goat. Even her mother had said nothing about it.

Jane resentment for her sister instantly grew. Sometime, Jane wished she never did have a sister or she never did have a sister as pretty and overshadowing as Beatrice.

When Jane heard that Beatrice had broken up with John, she became so afraid. 'Why? Could she have someone else in mind? One night while eating, Beatrice had asked Jane again who Morakinyo was to her.

‘How does that affect you?’ was Jane replied.

‘It doesn’t, you just hardly talk about it and I don’t know…sometime I think you act strange when he’s around me’

‘He’s a friend’ she said sharply.

‘Are you sure about that?’ He hardly talks about……..

He’s a friend interrupted Jane. At night, she wondered again why she had refused to tell her sister   the truth. Why hadn’t Morakinyo tell her himself She thought. After all, she had spent the whole afternoon helping her mother in the kitchen while they were both gisting in the living room.

It took her being alone in her room and reading about love in the bible for Jane to realize that she needs help.  A spiritual help. What had happen to her? Why had she deliberately grown up to be a monster that dislikes her blood sister? What had happen to the love they had shared as sisters? She needed help she realized. She knelt down in her room and ask God to help her flush away the spirit of jealousy and enviousness. She opened her eyes to feel so relieved.

Where is Beatrice she asked her mother?

She went out  shopping with a friend replied mother.

This is the time she had to let her sister know what she had been feeling, to apologize to her for being that envious and ever thinking her sister could be such a slut. She knew she had to let it out to be free from the powerful grip of jealosy. She entered a jewel shop to get her sister a beautiful necklace as a gift. She was about paying for the gift only to sight her sister negotiating an item with the sales person. She walked toward her happily but was surprise to see Morakinyo beside her.

What? What could the two of them be doing together she wondered. Morakinyo showed Beatrice a bunch of flower, she nodded her head in approval. He smiled at her and knelt to present the flower. This gesture caught the attention of most of the shoppers in the supermarket as they walk toward the couple to applause them.

Jane tried so hard to breath, she try so hard to hide the awful truth that shuddered through her as  walk out of the jewel shop and sat on a pavement beside a distant shop. It felt like the end of the world to her. Having a sister that had it all and yet wanted the only thing she thought she had. The smile on Beatrice face had said it all, they were in love.. She had taken again what belong to her. Sitting down breathless and weak she sighted them coming out of the shop smiling and entering a car. Jane stood determine not to give up, the knot of anxiety that swelled in her chest pushed against her heart like a fist, she gripped the arm of the chair she was sitting on in an attempt to still the dizziness that swarmed over her. ‘Beatrice!’ she said aloud You’ve taken everything from me, you leave me no option than to fight you. ‘You will only have him over your dead body! She said as headed straight home

Getting home, she saw her mother dancing and humming her best song. Something must be going on she thought. She called Debra her niece and asked “Is there a party or something?”

‘Yes aunty replied Debra. Your birthday is today! Have you forgotten?’ I overheard mother, Uncle Morakinyo and Aunty Beatrice in the kitchen a few minute ago saying…Debra decided whispering to her ear “There is going to be a wedding”

Oh! That was all Jane could say as she watches her niece who began dancing.

“Are you not happy?” Debra asked

“Sure I am…I am just surprise I was the last to know”

It’s a surprise aunty! Uncle Morakinyo said that and they don’t know I am aware of it. Can you keep it as a secret until it is being announced today?

“Announce? Today! Wow! On my birthday?”

Promise aunty? Debra asked.

Promise! She said as she walks to her room thoughtfully. This indeed is a package of surprise to her. First, she forgot that today was her birthday, second, her fiancé was getting married to………..her sister!

 How dare her parent know about it and never objected. Are these are family or are these what families are to be. Everyone knows, even her little niece. This had made her stand on her decision even stronger. She is surely going to fight back with the last drop of blood in her. Dressing up to look good despite her unhappiness she headed down to embrace her surprise package.

Everyone was already there; mother and father were smiling at Morakinyo’s mother while Beatrice…where is she? She thoughtfully asks as her eyes search for Beatrice only to see her pretty sister beside a tall cute guy. Who could this be she thought and where is Morakinyo?
Her sister looks as usual, like the line-up for a beauty contest as she smiled confidently. She was so transparently jealous of her sister.

 Then came in Morakinyo who walk toward Beatrice, whisper something in her ear and they both walk out smiling. He came back in and smiled at her. You have been so scares nowadays he told Jane. His tone was non-committed but the gleam came back into his eyes as he saw Beatrice. Jane became relieve as her sister claimed his attention by putting her hands in his arms and saying persuasively ‘How about us going to the dancing space to have a dance?’ Jane could not help noticing the look of appreciation in his eyes as he smiled back.

Am I permitted? He asked Jane

What? Asking me for my…

Sure! She ended up saying

You have my blessing. She said offhandedly and walks away.

Nothing in the world would stop her now. Nothing! She told herself as she took the substance from her pocket and walk straight to the kitchen.

She stood still as everyone sang a happy birthday song to her. She felt so relief when the song was over. It was dancing time and while everyone was dancing Morakinyo’s mother walks toward her and smiled for a while. You are such a good lady.

‘Thank you ma’ she said and walks away before she could utter another word.

Good lady you think? I am going to let you all know that I am not a fool today. Beatrice asked for a drink and began drinking for a while. Janet handed a glass of wine to the housemaid and asks her to give her elder sister who was requesting for more drink.

Wow! She is almost drunk Janet thought and laughed. She would be so relief once she is alone without her. She sat down to watch her sister and her…ex fiance dance…Enjoying every moment of her sister’s last dance………on EARTH.

I need to make a toast drunken Beatrice said trying so hard to get everyone’s attention. She succeeded at last as everyone gathered round the table to hear her out.

Here is it...Bitch! Say it out and go to HELL!

Before this toss, Beatrice continued I want to tell my sister a secret. Jane! My one and only sister..you mean the world to me.

Whatever! Jane said..Pretender..Just tell the whole world about your engagement.

My sister has not been the most attractive lady Beatrice continues…but in my eyes, her beauty is far above looks. She does not have a pretty voice as I do, but she is the brain behind the song I sing, she writes such good song for me to sing and yet, I get all the applause. I boldly say today that I get jealous of her.

At that point, everyone started whispering with surprise.

“Yes I know it’s hard for you to believe me, but she has it all.” I know she might have not commanded stares like I do, but the few she command are more responsible than the lots I have.

Jane for the first time decided paying attention to what her sister was saying. She looked at her and for the first time, she saw sincerity in her. Beatrice meant every damn word that comes out of her lips.

Beatrice took another sip and continued. Now she was speaking but staggering at the same time.

She tried walking to her sister and stops her from taking another sip…That drink she had poisoned. Mother stops her halfway and told her to listen to what her sister is saying.

‘The drink…She said’

Listen to your sister her mother insisted and at that moment tears drip down her eyes.

I might be a Barbie, Beatrice continue but an empty one I am. Jane she raised her glass to her sister. You have it all! Inner beauty, outside, intelligent and every other things. I am surprise you never did know. I got to know last month through my sister’s diary that I had stolen John, her first love from her.

Everybody whispered and mother tried stopping Beatrice from speaking but she stubbornly continued.

I had to break up with him because I felt so bad about it. But Jane..You are so strong! You never acted badly to me despite that, you have been an angel that God had sent to me.

Everybody applauded but Janet felt so bad…she tried to stop her sister from taking another sip but was pinned down by Morakinyo who was beside her.

All you need to have done was to tell me. Beatrice continues. This time, she was really feeling so weak. She held her stomached as she continued with a laugh.

What about her secret affair with Morakinyo? Jane thought. Today, Morakinyo has something to tell you Jane, Beatrice continued. She looked at Morakinyo who knelt beside her with the same flowers she had seen with him in the supermarket . Inside the flower was a wring and he asked

‘Would you marry me?’

 Marry you? But... I thought you were having something to do with my sister?

What, your sister?

I mean…

Jane, Morakinyo had told me he really loves you and want to impress you with his marriage proposal so I had to help him out replied Beatrice.I remembered your dream proposal was for you to be propose on your birthday with a ring hidden inside a flower. Have you forgotten you told me so? Asked Beatrice
Yes I can remember Jane said. She could surely remembered she had told her sister about her dream proposal seven years ago . Wow!

Jane! Morakinyo said  At a point, I don’t seem to understand you, you always want to be alone and I had to confide in your sister.
''You call me just a friend and even abandon me. SO I decided always being not far away from you till you have the strength to tell me what is bothering you.

Oh! That was the only thing that could come out of Jane’s mouth.

“How would your life be different if…You stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day…You stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others” 

You get so insecure with yourself and don"t even appreciate your worth. Dearie, I love you, you are damn so beautiful to me and because of this, i dedicate this song to you. He whistle at the DJ who immediately played Bruno Mars' "Just the way you are. Jane became so shy and embarrassed. All this while she had been so in-secured with herself and overpowered by her sister's beauty, Morakinyo has been aware.
She bit her upper lips to overcome her embarrassment and only stop when she realized she was bleeding.
Morakinyo came so close to her and whisper according to Bruno Mars' song
"Don't even bother to ask if you look okay you know I would say..when i see your face, there is not a thing I would change cos you are amazing, just the way that you are.''
Despite being embarrassed, for the first time, she felt relieved. After all beauty is in the eyes of the beholder she thought.

"This is my Fiance" Beatrice interrupted as she introduced the cute guy beside her as she held her stomach.

You have had enough Mother said but at that moment, Beatrice staggered and fell. Are you alright? Is she alright? Everyone said as they run here and there to get a doctor. While closing her eyes, Beatrice whisper to Jane. “I Love You!”


                                       "Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside.              
                         We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us.
                          But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.”

No!!!!!!!!! She shouted.

What is it? Your sister just collapse and all you have to do is shout asked her mother.

I would be right back she said as she ran to the kitchen to look for the house help. She was not there. Where could this girl be ss="MsoNormal"> I have been hiding from you all days because the drink you gave me to give aunty was taken forcefully from me by a guest who came for the party. I told him that the wine was strictly to be given to the celebrant’s sister and nobody else. He insisted and when he drags it from me, the cup fell and no….

Jane gave a sigh of relieve.

I am sorry ma I would have…continued the house maid.

Not to worry, you can go.

God had really save her from the devil Jane thought as she walked back to her sister’s room. She found her sleeping. She sat beside her and watched her for a while. The memories of being propose to flash through her head and she smiled, not for the proposal but for the fact that her dearest sister is alive. Nothing in the world meant so much to her than her sister. I love you too her sister whispered to her as she gave her a kiss.

                                      

IF YOU EVER LEAVE...

“Trust is the glue of life, the foundational principle that holds all relationships.” Segun thought as he roll over on his bed to find that he had slept alone on their matrimonial bed. Where could his wife be? He asks himself as he rose from the bed. Suddenly he remembered where she could be…no where else but with him. He knew she had always tiptoed to his room to keep his company, to make sure he’s warm and to sing him a lullaby. His mood changed and he felt so angry having to accept this always and having to have him as a constant rival felt even more painful.

‘Can’t you notice me? I am here too!’ This has always been what he had silently said to her. He only wishes she could hear him. He walked to his rival’s room; slightly open the door to peep. She was there, beside him. His little arms where wrapped around her. His arm were wrapped in such a way as if he’s saying ‘don’t go to him, this is where you belong’

   

Segun shifted his gaze to his face. His four years old son was sleeping, he felt like walking to him, waking him up and warning him to stay off his wife. He stopped halfway and returned to his room. He couldn’t stop the image of seeing his wife and son together. This task of balancing her role as a lover and the call to be a mother is a challenge he has been facing since the birth of their son, Emmanuel. So much has change the day Emmanuel had been born. Bimpe his wife had transform from a wife to a mother. They have transformed from a couple to a family and from lover, his wife had change to diaper changer as well as a nurse.

               

The time he enjoys with her had been shared with her new duties as being a mother. How can he ever tell her that he’s jealous of his son? As he was lost in his thought, she walked into the room, slept beside him and dozes off. He felt so lonely and his loneliness had become a source of contention.

He left the bed and walk to his reading room. The thought of his childhood came back to him. How his mother had been so focusedon him and had always left his father lonely. His childhood was filled with pain, the pain of hearing  and watching his parent rein abusive curses on each other, how his mother had always made it clear to his father that her still being married to him was because of her child (him). She had always threatened to leave and she did eventually. The thought of his childhood brought tears to his eyes. His mother had left him at a tender age of five to another…and he had lost his father two years later who died struggling with loneliness.

His father had raised him never to trust a woman before he died; this had made him hate the feminine gender and had even made him promise he would never be carried away with love. Even on his dead bed, his father had reminded him about trust.
‘Never Trust a Woman!” He had said with his last breath
 That has been the words he believe in his heart. For his grandmother dead wish, he’s sure he would have loved to remain single.

Now, he finds it so difficult to be assure by his wife that no matter what change she incurs as she evolves through life, his position in her life will not be threatened and this insecurity had caused him to be terrified of commitment.

However, his wife had always trusted him; believe he’s committed to her. Who but him knows the truth? Her closeness to their child has increased his doubt. What if she had been staying this long just because she had a son with him…as his mother had always told his father…What if she leaves when Emmanuel is a little year older?

For once, he had almost given his heart to his wife, but had stopped halfway, thinking, what if she crushes it and he ended up like his father.

‘No! I can’t and I won’t. Things would continue to be like this’ He told himself. Play your role as a wife and I give you my time, money and body….not my heart. He went back to their bed to sleep beside her. She rolled towards him; curled around him and he cuddled her into his arm. A woman he had married and given everything to….everything except his heart…………. having seen betrayal in his own mother and since he can’t trust his mother, what woman on earth can he ever trust?

Darling, Emmanuel would be five in 6 month time. Bimpe told him the next morning as she served him his food. ‘That’s great he replied with a smile filled with pain. Rather than being so glad about it, his heart trembles and flip. ‘5’ that was the same age his mother had left…She had promise to be there with him forever, but forever was lost when he was five as she left his father toranother man.

‘What’s the matter?’ Bimpe ask seeing her husband facial expression.

‘Am fine’ replies Segun as he tried so hard to wear a smile. Then Emmanuel walks into the living room to his mother arms who immediately carried him. He looked at her mother with adoration and said

‘Mummy, I want to do my homework’

Ok dear, let me serve your father his food first replied Bimpe

No! Mum, I want to do my homework now!

‘Don’t be stubborn’ she scolded him

Go ahead Segun replied as he watches his wife take their son to the reading table to help with his assignment.

He wonders what she has in stock for him. Yes she act so nice, but what if his wife had been staying all this while in the marriage because they had a son together?

What if she had ever thought of leaving him as his mother had done? The only way to free himself from his wife his present 'it' to her.

Yes! Present the divorce letter he had with him to make her freedom easy. He’s ready to free her at her will and make things easier for her. Rather than sit and wait for the day she would leave without warning. If only he could tell his son to be careful less he gets his heart broken…….if only.

He lost his appetite and decided taking a ride to ease himself of the pain of his childhood memories. He dashed out and drove off without telling his wife.

Two days later, Bimpe walked into the clinic where her husband had been hospitalized. It still felt like a misery to her as she could still remember the event of that day. She had served her husband his meal and left to help her son with his assignment, only to go back to the dinning room to realize her husband had left his food untouched and he was no where in the house.

She had wondered where her husband had gone to until she received a call that her husband had been hospitalized in a nearby hospital.

Now its two days after the accident and the doctor had inform her that her husband wouldn’t be able to walk again. That had really killed her inside. She had wept like a mad woman. His gaining consciousness is the most important thing as she pace up and down the room with a heavy heart and lips moving prayerfully.

He’s awake the doctor called as she ran to his side. His eyes were half open and he tried calling her name, but she pressed her finger gently on his lips and said

‘You will be okay dear’

Taking Segun home wasn’t as easy as Bimpe has thought. Segun felt so much pain all over his body and was damn so surprise about it. He couldn’t even move his body as it took three people to carry him from the wheel chair he was in to his bed. What had happen to him? He wondered. For three days his wife had fed him, bath him and even help him to bed.

Oh why? Segun cried silently one night.

Why had fate decide to treat him like this? The fear of being left alone comes everyday and he felt so scared. The doctor had told him to henceforth propone every love making with his wife. How could he have when he can’t even move his body? What if his wife gets tired of him or the fact that he can’t handle his responsibility as a man.? What if she walks out to another? All this are question that he’s scared to get an answer to.

At that point in his pensive mood, his wife entered the bedroom, knelt down beside his wheelchair and wipe off the tears in his eyes.

‘You’ll be fine sweetheart, we are in this together’. She squeezed his hand and informs him she was going to get some foodstuff in the market.

‘I will be back soon’. She said as she closed the door behind him’. 
She called later to inform him that she had left a note on the bed for him. He forced himself to wheel his chair sedately down to his room assuring himself that there was no possible reason to panic. But when he reached for the note on the bed, he picked it up  with shaking hands. It took quite an effort of will not to throw himself out of the wheelchair.
His heart was beating wildly as he read through
 Tears drip down his eyes as he read through the note.
Something so strong made him understand that she had left him for good!

Segun  decided to read through the letter  again, line by line and word for word.

                                               

                                   

Love is a funny thing Segun,

I expect it to be easy, to be a world of roses

and laughter and perfect moments that you find In movies.

I have always wanted to have a partner
 who I could give my whole self to,

  I wanted to share my life with someone,
     who I could give my mind body and soul to,
      and someone who would love me back in the same way.

It happened, one evening as I least expected it to,
            Segun, you came into my life, out of the blue, from thousands of miles away.
                    From the moment we spoke, I knew that You were the person ,
                      who I was meant to give my love to, for the rest of my life.

This promise I make to You today

 with every ounce of integrity that I have in Me.
                  I will love you, adore you, honor you, and be your best friend
                and partner till the last breath I take.
                I will trust you, nurture you and do all I can to make you content.
                  I will be there for you 'darling', despite the doctor's report till the end of time.
               I will always be yours to have and to hold.
             Till Death Do Us Part.
           TILL THE END OF TIME

     BIMPE.

Segun wipe his tears and realized that he had misinterpreted the note..the love letter his wife had wriiten. She came in at that moment and   kissed him on his cheek. I meant everything I wrote in that note Segun.
What have gotten over him? He wondered as he gave her a smile. Why had he allow the pain of the past to enslave him? He wish he could be free from his past. She unpacks her bag, brought out a pack of food she had bought and sat beside him to feed him. Segun watches her for a while and felt pity for her. Lack of trust in her had made him so unresponsive to her affection.

Segun couldn’t sleep as he heard some murmuring in the middle of the night, only to wake up and find his wife on her kneels praying. What could she be asking for at this hour?  He thought as he try listening to her prayer request.

‘Thank you Lord for saving my husband and keeping him healthy till this day. The doctor had said he wouldn’t be able to walk but that is the doctor's report. I know Lord that he would surely walk oneday and I believe it .Thank you…..’
   

For the second time, that day, his heart was filled with genuine love for her. He watches her as she curled back to the bed beside him, he tried reaching out to her only to stop halfway. This should have been a time for his wife to have deserted him, but no, she had stood by him and this has assured him that she would be there forever for the first time. She had even gone to the extend of sending their son to be with her mother for a while so she could focus all her attention on him.

No, every woman cannot be like his mother he thought. Comparing his wife to his mother, he realizes that his wife's love had been a shelter, a protection from the wind. She had open her arms and her heart to him, showed him that he’s safe. She had been as loving as a picture in the museum but the lack of trust had made her surrounded by glass that keeps him from touching her. Tears roll down his eyes as he felt pity for the way he had treated her in his heart. She woke at that moment to find her husband sobbing, wrapped him gently in her arms and slept only when she was sure he was asleep.

The next Sunday, Bimbo had insisted on taking him to her church. He had felt reluctant to go because of his paralzed state and had wondered why she wouldn’t feel ashamed. He sat on his wheelchair in the church, with a body twisted and face permanently contorted into a sneer. With a strong chin and a stipp upper lip, she introduces her husband to the pastor in front of some members.

“I had wanted him to join the church.” She spoke with pride.

His wife's pride in him despite his state of health surprises him. Who is this woman? He thoughtfully ask himself. A woman who never felt ashamed of having a crippled man as husband, a woman who never mind that he was a man who could not hold her, touch her or make love to her again. His wife never mind the daily task she had of taking care of him while no one took care of her.
At that point of thinking, his wife reached down to catch a steam of saliva that was extending from his lips like a single stand of spaghetti. She wiped him lovingly and stood back up to continue her request.

Segun at that moment couldn’t help but hate himself for having been self centered to this pretty woman who had stood by him all through. How wrong he has acted by closing his heart to his wife and how could he have nuture that belief that she would end up not being the loving mother his mother has not been. The only way to vindicate his mother deed was not to have denied his wife his heart, No… not to have hid his heart from her.

The past one month of having his wife take care of him had made him realize how strong she meant to him. He should have closed the door of his past with forgiveness. Bimpe had been attending his exercising class with him and in short, she had been the consistent partner always around, this has made him so happy and the envy of the class. His fellow friends in the class had mistaken his wife several time for a full time house-wife.

“No, my wife just took some month off work to take care of me, he had replied proudly.”

‘Lucky you some of his friends had said.’

Segun have now found in his wife what his mother had lack. He  realize he had to go back to the alter where their marriage vows was originally made and ask God for the grace to help him change his heart, his mind set about trust because trust is the root from which love is nourished. Yes! He now knows, when there is no trust, love has no place to be nourished.

The thought of asking God for help made him so happy because he knew he couldn’t do it on his own. A victim of the past he is, aborted from the comfort womb of love by distrust and plundered back to the abyss of bitterness from which he grew.

This is the right time to run to the church. Yes, his wife had gone to see their son who is with her parent. He could steal the moment to purge his heart to God and ask for help. Struggling in his wheel chair, he called his driver to take him to the church.

It took an hour to get to the church, Almost another hour for his driver to get him settled on the alter. Immediately after the driver had returned to the car, he rose magestically from the wheel chair. He gave a sigh of relief....Yes, he was not crippled....He had pretended to be paralysed....

Am so sorry God' He  cried as he falls down on his kneel.

Yes, he knew he could fool everyone but not God. He wasn't paralysed. He had encounter a minor accident that morning but had begged his friend, a doctor in the hospital to tell his wife he was not going to walk again. This was an opportunity he had decided giving her to walk away from him..

The strong present of God he felt on the alter made him cry out more as he purges his heart to God. 
He remembered the day of the accident; he was driving to his lawyer house to notify him of the divorce paper...

Yes, he had gotten a divorce paper ready since he couldn’t trust her to be with him forever. 

How wicked could he have been to have thought that his wife would ever need to divorce him?

I am so sorry God, he cried!!!!!!!!!

You know my past Lord! Please I am still a part of it, save me from it!!!

I am chained to my yesterday like an abused animal chained to the back of a porched. Help me! HE cried out as he buried his face in his hands.

“Help me forget those things that are behind and reach to those things that are before me.”

THE BITTER DISSAPIONTMENT OF MY PAST IS ROBBING ME OF MY TODAY”S EXPECTATION!

After his prayer, he felt so calmed. He was sure the calmness was an evidence that God had answered his prayer. He couldn’t wait to go back to the loving arms and breast of the woman that meant so much to him.

Ignoring the surprise look in his driver's face, he walked past him to his father's grave which was in the church  compound before going home. He stood beside the  12 years old grave and was silent for a while before speaking

“Dad, Hi, I know mum left you, I know she did disappointed you that was why you taught me never to trust again. But I want you to know that am tired of living in my past, a past that had almost rob me of my future. That mother did disappoint us doesn’t mean all women are the same. The only way to vindicate the betrayer of my mother and the death of your relationship is to give my children what I didn’t get in my childhood. Give them the comfort I never received and that is what I have planned to do henceforth.’

I love you dad, and I love my family too’. HE wiped the tears at the corner of his eyes as he walks back to his car

He was so anxious to see his wife when he got home. 
Darling! Darling! He called….A name he had not call  called his wife for a while. Where is she he thought as he was so eager to see the love of his life.

She was there, sitted on the bed, head buried in her hands sobbing. He walks towards her.

“What is it dearie, he asked”

‘What is it?’ She asked surprisingly as she raised her head to face her husband. She was so dumbfounded to find her husband on his feet.
'What? You can.....'she stammered
Yes I can dear. I always can walk..It's a long story sit and let me  tell you;
'Oh! Segun..so you mean you have been pretending all this while? Oh! no I cant believe this! She cried out.
'You have got to understand me dear' He replied gently.
You should have just said it that you are not interested in our marriage again. Now she understand why he had pretended to be paralyzed. 
 He had not love her all this while...she thought bitterly.
He had wanted a divorce and had faked being paralyzed to get her out of his life. A fool she had been to have waited all in the name of love. She threw the divorce letter at him.

He  picked the letter as he read through.

It was the divorce paper he had in his car on the day of the accident. How did she get it he wondered and instantly remembered that she had been called by the mechanic to come check the car that had been repaired. ‘Wow!’ He thought he would have loss the document in the event of the accident. He didn’t even know what to say as he looked at his wife dumbfounded

“I am sorry dearie, he ended up saying. This is a long story am short of words and I don’t know where to start’

Segun! I thought you love me, because I did love you, I gave you my all.  She wiped the tears running down her check as she stammered with words. Segun could see her hands shaking. She looked so helpless and he felt it…felt the strong love she had for him…It was so obvious that he was her Life…her everything. What a love he thought as tears ran down his check. He walked towards his love, to comfort her, make her realize it was a mistake, to cuddle her and if necessarily make love to her, but she walk far away from him. She walks to the wardrobe, took her things and before he could stop her, she walked away.....walked out of his life.

Segun had decided going back to his wheel chair. A deliberate state of being self paralyze. Of what extend is it to walk when the only thing that meant the world to him had walk out of his life? Everywhere seems so dry. He had been on the same position for the past three days. He now understand the true meaning of loneliness....the feeling when you lost your soulmate. He closes his eyes for a while and thought he heard  his son calling 
Daddy! Daddy! only to open his eyes and  his son  was beside him. Daddy are you okay. He couldn't but smile with joy. 
'I am fine dear' He said as he gave him a hug. 'How did you come here dear?'
'Mummy brought me . I have really missed you daddy'. 
Segun's heart skip as he heard that his wife was around. He tried standing on his feet but decided sitting.
Would she come to his room to see him? He thought only to lift his eyes and she was there, her pretty eyes searching his.
Mummy told me that you can walk now Daddy? That means we can still play basket ball again! Emmanuel said with joy.
'Go and meet aunty downstair, Bimpe told Emmanuel as she sat down
Mummy? 'Aren't we staying. I don't want to go back to grandma"s house. I have really miss daddy' Emma said as he dash out of the room.


Bimpe had been informed by their housemaid that Segun had refuse to say a word, walk or even eat anything since she had left.
'I thought you could walk Segun, why have you decided to continue your pretense?'
Yes I can dear, he stood up and walked towards her,  and continue. I chose to be self paralyse if you are not going to come back to me again.
Am sorry for the pain, the distrust and everything I have done, my past had really affected me and made me act like an heartless man.
I love you Bimpe...I do He continued.
Bimpe pressed her finger to his lips and said.' Say no more dear. While I was packing I mistakenly took your dairy and there I read everything I need to know'
'You did?' Segun was surprise.
Yes dear, and I realised how emotionally depressed you had been, But I am your wife, you should have talk to me about your fears, your worries and your past. I would never leave you. You are my life and everything and I had promise you  on the alter to be by your side forever'.
'Are you back to me for real?' Segun asked anxiously.
'I never left my dear, I just walked away angrily to ease the pain  I felt. If I had left what would have differentiated me from your past. We have a long life ahead of us dear, you have got to forget your past because I and your son are your future'.

Never ever allow your past to destroy your future Segun has learnt as he hugged the woman that meant the world to him...his wife. At that moment, Emmanuel ran in side to hug his father. He carried his son up and kissed him. Emmanuel his son would have a better childhood experience and it is up to him make that happen.

THE GOOD IN GOODBYES.

Tinuke woke up to find raindrops pattering against her window; the whole world seemed dim and dreary. She watches her reflection in the mirror beside her dressing table. She looks so pale like someone suffering from a hangover.

Reality came flashing through her memory. He’s gone…..he who is so dear to her. She sobs silently. He’d gone and something tells her that he had left her forever. Things would never be the same again. She felt a full tidal wave of rejection which brought her to her knees, sucking the wind out of her sails. An intense feeling of rejection, isolation and a profound loss of love surrounded her.
She clenched her finger deep inside her body and for a while, pain felt so sweet, she wished she could continue hurting herself the more.

‘Oh! All the good times were memories of old years bided. Could she ever be really happy with someone else?’ She wondered as she went back to her bed and tried crying herself to sleep.

Funmi came in to find Tinuke asleep. She tip toed and sat on a chair near her. Looking at her friend’s pretty face, she couldn’t but feel sorry for her. She had known Kunle and didn’t expect him to do this to her friend. No! Kunle couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone her friend’s heart. If it were April, she would have sworn it was an April fool tactic to fool her friend. To her, Love meant Kunle and Tinuke.

Tears rolled down her eyes and she wiped it off immediately with the corner of her hand because she didn’t want Tinuke to wake up and find her crying.

Tinuke had asked her for a favour earlier, a daring and dangerous one. She had said no but eventually succumbed to do it. Who could she have asked for an advice before accepting to do the favour? She thought.

Nevertheless, if she had not done it, Tinuke would have done it herself which would be more dangerous.

‘I am a wicked friend.’ She thought out loudly.

She had come with the substance and was so scared to hell. What if someone got to know about it?

She shivered and then, Tinuke opened her eyes and smiled,

She looks so pretty, like a sleeping princess who had just woken up after a kiss from a prince.

No! Sleeping beauty ate a poisonous apple that made her sleep.

POISON…..Uhm….what a coincident Funmi thought.

‘Did you bring the substance?’ Tinuke asked

‘Yes I did’. Replied Funmi.

‘Thanks so much. If you hadn’t brought it, I would have gotten it myself. I really want this. I can’t live without him.’

 ‘You don’t have to do this.’ Funmi said tearfully. ‘Think about your siblings and parent who really care about you. How do you expect them to feel? I have been in your shoes before Tinuke.’ Funmi said softly. ‘But I was strong baby; I decided then to stop rehearsing my past and give it to the Lord. Tinuke, you can do this if you want to. Remember those days, you were by my side. I went through hell, many stages and phases. The phase of listening to a song that reminded me of Bayo, crying into a pillow that smells like him and agonizing about what was going to happen to me next. Then, my life seemed over, but trust me, time heals all wounds and even a broken heart mend over time.’

 ‘It sucks! Funmi continued Tinuke, it does! But it’s vital, believe me. Do not hold on your hurt, you’ll only feel worse later on.’

‘Thanks Funmi, I will put that in mind before taking any decision. Just give me the substance.’ Replied Tinuke.

Funmi handed it to her and she eagerly collected it and kept it under her pillow.

‘Thanks Funmi. Whatever happens, I’ll never blame you because I ask for it. In short, I begged you for the substance and made you swear to get it for me.’

Uhm…..Funmi could not say a thing again. ‘I wish I could stop you from doing this’. She ended up saying. ‘I wish I could.’ She said with tears rolling down her eyes. She couldn’t but walk out of the room disappointed in herself.

‘Funmi!’ Tinuke called after her. ‘Not even a goodbye?’

After a while of staring at the door, Tinuke took the substance and decided making a decision.

‘You don’t have to do this’ Her conscience echoed to her.

‘Do you know what am going through?’

‘Do you know what it is for the guy you love so much and have been with for three years to break your heart on your birthday?’

‘Do you?’ She cried back at her conscience.

‘Think of the pain it would cause your family?’ Re-echoed her conscience

Hahaha!!!!!! Tinuke laughed wickedly. She stood up and walked to her mirror, looking at her reflection she said: ‘They would only cry for a while, and that’s it!’

‘Do they know what I am going through? The agony of being rejected for no reason? No reason!’

‘How can I breathe and live without Kunle?’

 ‘How?’

She said crying and falling on her kneels. ‘I can’t! I give up!’

Kunle couldn’t just expect her to act and pretend as if they had never met before. She had tried for two weeks but the mere sound of his name made her break into pieces.

‘Now listen!’ She told her conscience. ‘My heart longs for Kunle, My soul dies for him, my eyes cry for him and my empty arms reach out for him….Yes! Only him!’

She took the bottle close to her mouth and tried sipping the substance in it.

No! She decided stopping halfway to read the inscription on it.

35 minute action!

Wow! 35 minutes action? That’s damn too far! What would she be doing for 35 minute?

 She thought. Oh! Tiding up and saying goodbye to her love ones.

‘Goodbye? What’s the good in goodbye?’ She asked loudly.

 Nothing  hurt more than realizing that he meant everything to her but she meant nothing to him. Nothing! Speaking to her reflection, she said ‘Kunle! I don’t know how not to love you again, I only know how to not let you go. But I am going to put all to an end today.’

She took the substance and drank a mouthful, another mouthful until it was empty.

Yes! She had drank the ‘poison’. All of it….35 minute to go…..

            

‘Sometime, we get so stuck in longing for yesterday or dreaming

Of tomorrow that we miss out on TODAY’

Tinuke realized what she had done. She had just consumed a bottle full of poison to take her life because she couldn’t cope without Kunle. Time seems so slow. She thought.

‘Tinuke! Tinuke!!’ Her mother called from the sitting room. Your food is ready.

‘Ok mum! I’I be right there.’

How in the world would she face her mother? Hey! A part of her said, there’s nothing to regret about. You’ve taken the poison and that’s it. God would surely understand that you are so incomplete without kunle.

For the first time, she thought of the presence of God. After all, the bible says: Ask and it shall be given unto you. Wanting Kunle for herself, was that too much to ask?

‘Was it?’ She asked loudly.

‘Lord! How can I ever trust you again when the only thing I had trusted you would never take away from me is gone?‘

‘How?’

She refused to feel guilty about taking the poison this time around. Checking her time, She realized that it was 33 minutes left. She got to use it worthwhile.

She decided taking a long stroll in other to while away time. Yes! Her last walk on earth. She thought.

Putting on a faded blue jeans and white top, she decided looking pretty for the last time. She powdered her face and went through the back door not wanting her mother to see her.

When she was out of the house, she decided looking at the sun…It had been a week since she had come out. Wow! A week! She thought. As she walked slowly, a guy said hello, can I talk to you?

She walked passed him and smiled.. Even in some minutes to die, she still looked attractive she thought.

She remembered suddenly that the faded jeans on her was a gift from Kunle.He had bought it for her on her twenty secomd birthday. She smiled in spite of the pain she was feeling.

She was walking dreamingly on the road until she felt a tab on her back. She came out of her thought only to realize that she was surrounded by some people who were muttering some insult at her. She tried to understand the situation. A motor cyclist was in front of her and she was shocked to realize that while she was lost in her thought, she had almost been hit by a motorcyclist.

What were you thinking of? An old woman asked her.

People started shouting at her and the motor cyclist who was so angry almost slapped her. She looked around, at the motor cyclist, the people gathered and walked away as if nothing had just happened. Everyone around were surprised at her reaction and somebody shouted after her.
‘Foolish Lady!’

‘Are you sure she heard you? I think she has run mad said another speaker.’

‘No! I don’t think so. A third speaker responded. She looks so beautiful and wonderfully dressed to be mad.’

‘Maybe this is her first day of madness. Responded the previous speaker.

‘Wonders shall never end! The old woman clapped her hands together before begging the motor cyclist  who drove angrily away.

The old woman was able to catch up with Tinuke and she said: ‘Young lady, if you want to kill yourself, there are several way to do this, than this aggressive death’. Then, she walked away angrily.

Tinuke smiled and said to herself, I just consumed a bottle of poison old woman. I have less than….She checked her wrist watch….27 minutes to live. Oh! How she wished she could fast forward the time.

Her eyes caught the sight of an eatery and she remembered instantly that she do visit it with Kunle occasionally. She decided going in and savoring the memories.

When she got in, she realized the decision she had just taken. Enter an eatery? To do what? 
Eat? On a belly filled with poison? She thoughtfully asked herself.

But it was too late to turn back as she had many eyes on her. She decided making an order. Fried rice and a carton of juice.
Yes! That’s what she had ordered last when she visited with kunle. After taking her order, she gazed at the plate of fried rice in front of her. It looked so tempting…Uhm…She took a spoonful.

While drinking her juice, a handsome guy took the sit in front of her. Facing her directly with a plate of porridge and chicken,  looking so inviting.

Hi! The young man said

Am fine. She said as she concentrated on her food. She wasn't at ease because the man sitting in front of her was damn so attractive….and dangerously handsome that everything about him says he’s a man.

She looked at him lustfully for a while and took her gaze away. For a second, she felt guilty.

How could she admire a man she had just met when she still had Kunle on her mind.

Oh Kunle! She said out loudly.

David looked at the pretty lady in front of him. She’s so beautiful he thought. He realized instantly that he couldn’t leave without having her number. Looking at his wrist watch, he realized that his lunch break was almost over.

‘Am sorry pretty, but I must confess I really want to know you, my name is David.’ I am a doctor in Federal Medical Centre. My lunch break is over but I would be glad if I can get to know your name and have your number.’

No…..

‘Please he interrupted her politely. I would really love to be your friend.

My  friend? Oh! I am sorry it’s too late.

Too late?

I mean……..Tinuke didn’t know what to say. At last she decided giving him her number. After all, she would be long gone when he tries calling her.

My name is Tinuke. They shook hands and for a while, they stare at each other before Tinuke removed her hand gently.

Alright, I will give you a call in the evening David said at last. Trying to get himself after shaking the softest hand he had ever touched.

Okay. I would be six feet under, waiting…..replied Tinuke gently.

I did not get that said David.

Oh! Nothing really important. Take care.

David walked out of the eatery wondering why he hadn’t met the pretty lady long ago. The sensation he felt while holding the lady hands was something he has never felt before. This might be what he had been looking for. Who knows? He thought as he drove off happily.

Tinuke held her hand tight to her side and couldn’t stop remembering the way she felt when she had her hand locked in David’s hand. She wondered why it had felt so right and perfect. She decided it was best to wave the question in her heart about David, to focus on the poison in her stomach and Kunle’s memories in her heart.

Suddenly, she received a text message. It read:

‘I can’t explain how I felt when I held your hand, but one thing I know is that the sensation felt so good…David’

She smiled at the text and wondered what to do. She decided replying David and text “ I felt the same way too, but I wish we had met earlier. You would understand that soon’

A text alert came in again and she thought it was David’s reply. But no! It wasn’t David…
A message alert from the multinational company she had applied two month ago for the post of a Human Resource Officer.

Wow! She read through and it was an invitation for an interview because she had been considered. What? Considered? She had been asked to come in a week time for an interview.

She jumped for joy for some minute.  At last! A job!!!!!!! Yes! This is what she had always wanted. She decided running home to break the good news to her mother.

Then, She suddenly remembered…………POISON! OHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

My God!! She checked her time and realized she had less than 12 minute.

Oh! God!! Why? She didn’t know what to do. She looked around and realized she was still in the eatery, she commanded great stare right away as everyone had their eyes on her.

She immediately left the eatery, walked for a while until she checked her time and realized she had just nine minute. What: NINE minute?

She started running, so fast. Why is her time almost up? No she does not want to die again

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Time must pause and stop for her. She ran like a mad woman, trying to change the fate she had chosen earlier. No! I don't want to die again.
No!

She ran so fast that she got into the living room panting like a restless dog.

Oh! Please wait for me!! Stop the Clicking! Time!
She threw the empty bottle of the poison on the wall. I don’t want to die again! I just got my dream job!..
I just met a guy that could be the one and felt so perfect.

Mrs. Adeoye had a sound of broken bottle and realizes it was coming from her daughter’s room. She hurried and knocked.

What’s the matter Tinuke?

Nothing mother. She said looking so nervous and praying that her mother never did see the broken bottle on the floor.

I’ve been looking for you Tinuke…Her mother said as she walked into her room. I want to talk to you about something.

Mum, I only have.. she checked her time…8 minute left.

8 minute? For what?

Oh! Nothing mum, I ….okay, talk but be fast about it please!

Okay. Tinuke, I know you’ve been through a lot. I tell you, no one better than I understand what you have been going through because I’ve been through this too my dear.

Really? Tinuke asked surprised about her mother’s confession but still checking her time.

Yes, it’s a secret I have never told anyone. But I am going to open up to you today so that you would have the same strength I once had.

Mother, did you have this broken heart before you met my father?

Uhm….it was actually your real father  that broke my heart.

But you eventually got married to him!

No! Johnson is not your biological father

What?

This is the secret I have been keeping from you. I am sorry about that but it’s a long story. Your biological father’s name is Akindele. We were dating for almost 10 years and I became pregnant. I told him and he insisted I abort the baby. I insisted on keeping the baby and he decided given me two choice. Keeping our relationship or the baby. I wanted the baby because I was so scared of abortion

Oh! Mother! Did you abort the baby? Tinuke asked feeling so sorry for her mother.

No! The baby was you!

Oh mother! Tinuke muttered.

I love him so much and we had been together for ten years….

10years?

Yes! I wanted to keep you because I couldn’t sacrifice the beautiful you. Making a decision was very difficult. He walked out my life when I insisted on keeping you and that was how I lost the love of my life.

Now, Tinuke was in tears. She looked at her mother with love. A strong woman who had decided to give her life and forego a love so strong.

Tinuke, continued her mother, it was so difficult for me. Do you know what it meant to have a broken heart while pregnant?...but I did survive! I did!

Mother! Oh! Mother! Tinuke cried out, holding her mother hands.

Am sure you want to know how I met Johnson continued Mrs. .Adeoye.

Yes mother.

I was eight month pregnant with you when I met Johnson. He had been a secret admire and had wanted to marry me while I was dating your father, but I had turned him down. He went ahead against all odd to ask my hand in marriage when we met again and I said yes instantly.

Wow! 8 month pregnant and you met someone?

Baby, it’s God way of telling me that every disappointment is a stepping stone. Johnson was and is still a loving husband and never for once, have  I ever regretted saying yes to him.

Mother, he has always treated me like a daughter.

Yes, because you are his daughter now.

Tinuke, you’ve got to know this, Mrs. Adeoye continued. No matter what, once in your life, someone would hurt you. That person will take all what you are and rip it into pieces and they won’t even watch where the pieces had landed. But through the break down, you will learn something about yourself. That year your father left and I was so determine to keep you,  I realize how strong I was. That God had given me a wonderful strength. I got all through the pain, I fell down and tumble….but I never crumble and luckily, the right person was there, waiting to accept me for who I am.

Baby, I didn’t get rid of you because I know you are a special child. Please, be strong for yourself, for me and for the family. I love you and I never regretted choosing you over your father.

Always remember that you are not built to break. You have got to know your God given strength.She kissed her daughter on the forehead and walk out of the room with tears on her face.

Tinuke cried out.God why? 
Why? What had she done to herself, Tinuke thought as her mother close the door. If a man would accept her mother despite being pregnant, it means she could have found love elsewhere.

Oh Why? Come to think of it, Kunle isn’t even worth it!

How would a woman who had chosen her fetus over the love of her life feels when she eventually knew that the baby she had so much trust in had taken her life not caring about her mother. Oh why hadn’t her mother told her this before she had decided taking that substance. 
Whhhhyyyyyy! She cried.

She looked at her time and realized she had just 3 minute left.

Why must there be three minute? Why not 3 decades?

Poor mother she thought. She had to fight herself to tell her the truth. She felt so sorry for herself.She walked to the living room and hugged her mother.

Mrs. Adeoye hugged her daughter.

I am sorry mum for everything, I am really sorry.

You don’t have to dearie, you’ve got to be strong for us. Replied her mother.

Please forgive me for everything Tinuke said as she walked into her sister’s room whom she now realized is her step sister.

Mrs. Adeoye looked at her daughter while she walked away and wondered what was wrong with her. She ended up smiling and going back to what she was doing.

Aunty! Her six years old sister shouted as she ran to her arms.

Cutie replied Tinuke

Why are you crying? Bimbo asked.

Nothing Tinuke said, kissing her on the cheek and decided spending her last minute in her room.

Aunty, don’t go! Cried Bimbo

Tinuke watch her baby sister pull her jeans. Don’t go!

No aunty! You won’t come back! No aunty, don’t go! Don’t leave!! She said  sobbing hard.

Tinuke couldn’t believe her ears. This little baby knows? She ran to her room closing the door and kneeling on the door only to hear a little hand knock on the door

Aunty!!!!!!

This is so weird! Checking her time she realizes she had less than two minute.

God forgive me please! She said facing the image of Jesus on her wall.

I am so sorry; I never knew how precious life is!
Please don’t let me die!! She ran to her dressing table, opened the bottle of anointing oil and drank it, all of it.

I anoint myself, I must not die!

I don’t want to die!!!!NO!

She decided to distract herself from crying and by switching on the radio. She heard the presenter saying:

‘As you breathe now, another person takes his last, so stop complaining and learn to live your life with whatever you have’

She ran and turn off the radio not wanting to hear anymore.

She heard a knock on the door. She decided moving to the door, but she fell and couldn’t stand up. She started feeling dizzy. She even found it hard to see. But she knew the person by the door had force his or herself inside her room.

She tried so hard to get the reflection of the person in her room. The reflection looked so muscular and she realized it was a guy.

A man? Who could it be? She thought as she continued feeling dizzy

Just let me know who this is before I take my last breath she prayed to God.

She saw …the shadow of the guy….Oh! On his kneels? Yes
Why’s he kneeling she thought tiredly and breathlessly.

What’s in his hand…..Oh! A case?……No! not just a case…a wedding ring case!!...It’s a RING!

Who could ever…..

Then she heard softly Tinuke, I am so sorry….

Can you see me?

This is Kunle….Would you marry me?

KUN….She couldn’t finish saying his name as she took her last breath………

                        
                                                                                                     

Mrs. Adeoye ran to the patient room where are daughter had been admitted only to see a doctor beside her, giving her an injection. 

‘Doctor! How is my daughter?’ Would she be alright? Mrs. Adeoye asked eagerly.

‘She would be okay ma.’ Replied the doctor.

“How’s she? We never meant to……..” continued Mrs. Adeoye

'Everything is okay' Interuptted  the doctor who politely led Mrs. Adeoye to a sit. Funmi was sitting beside her friend’s bed looking confused and scared at Tinuke's body.

'It would take some time for her to be okay and regain consciousness, but she would be okay'. The doctor said.

It felt like the end of the world for Mrs. Adeoye. The awkwardness of waiting, watching and praying for her daughter to regain consciousness and come back to life was scaring.

After some hours, Tinuke open her eyelid and made a movement. Funmi and Mrs. Adeoye rush toward the bed

'Thank God!' Mrs. Adeoye jumped up for joy.

'Oh!' Funmi said with her hand on her chest. Tinuke smiled weakly and looked at her father who had just walked into the room.

'I’m surprise to be alive she said softly.' 'I am really sorry for what I did, but I did it without thinking. I wonder why God had given me a second chance, but I am so grateful for that'.

Funmi took her friend’s hand and said ‘I was scared you were dead.I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if you were’.

'Am still alive' Tinuke said softly

‘Yes you are'. ' What did you expect; did you think I would give you a real poison to consume?'

'What?' Tinuke was surprise at her revelation.

'You mean it wasn’t poison I consumed?' Tinuke asked

'It wasn’t'. Funmi replied. 'When I realized how desperate you had wanted to kill yourself and how you had been making different enquiries from people about getting a poison, I had to tell your mother about it because that is the right thing to do and as a matter of fact, she’s a counselor and psychologist and would know how to handle the situation'.

'Yes continued' Mrs. Adeoye. 'She told me about it and I realized I had to device a good means to stop you or else I might lose a precious gift.

Oh! Tinuke muttered with surprise, why didn’t you come stopping me then?'

'I am your mother dearie, and I know you too well. Talking you out of it wouldn’t change a thing. You have your strong will and always do what you think is best for the moment. I told Funmi to get you the substance, but instead of a poison, it was a sleeping doze. I was sure that before it started working, you would have regretted your decision'.

'Baby, (continued her mother) psychologists have it that the thought of dying after the consumption of poison kills faster than the poison that was consumed. I needed you to understand that there is more to life than wanting to halt it deliberately. So when I realized you had wanted a job in the telecommunication sector, I was able to call my friend for an emergency recruitment and luckily for me, you fitted well and it happen to be a company you had sent an application to in the past'.

'I followed you while you entered the eatery continued Funmi to make sure you never did anything dangerous and luckily you were only talking to a young man whom I never did had the opportunity to see, all I knew was that you checked your phone, jumped happily and ran out of the eatery'.

Tinuke looked at both women with surprise written all over her face. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard.

Mrs. Adeoye continued the story. 'When you came home breathlessly, I realized it was high time I told you the secret I had been keeping from you, of your father and it was all true my dear, it was!'

Johnson came forward and held Tinuke’s hand and said 'I love you and as far as I am concerned, you are my daughter'.

Tinuke smiled as she squeezed her father’s hand. 'I love you too'.  'Thank you Funmi for saving my life and mother, you are my guardian angel on earth. Thank you for giving me a second chance to live. You choose me in place of my father and now, you saved me from committing suicide. She looks up toward heaven and said: God, Thank you for giving me such a lovely family and the smartest friend ever. I love you Lord'.

The young doctor came in and smiled at Mrs. Adeoye. 'Now that you know she’s fine, I guess you are happy?'

Tinuke stared at the doctor for a while, trying to remember where she had met him. 'David' she remembered and called

'Tinuke, hope you are strong now' He replied walking toward her, happy that she did recognized him. His tall dark figure cast a shadow over her petite body

'You know each other?' Asked Mrs. Adeoye

'Yes mother, I met him earlier today at the eatery'

'Oh I see!' Mrs. Adeoye was so surprise how she could take a liking at a young doctor she had just met. She wished Tinuke could....

'That’s nice'  She ended up saying’

Funmi couldn’t help but notice the stolen gaze the doctor and Tinuke shared. Tinuke has so much to explain to her when they get home. She thought.

A knocked sounded at the door and all turned to see and saw Kunle standing at the door with a bundle of flower in his hands.

Mrs. Adeoye, Mr. Adeoye and Funmi were so dumbfounded. What’s he looking for? They thought.

Immediately after Kunle had propose and saw Tinuke collapse, he had ran out of the house covertly never allowing anyone to see him because he wondered what had happened to her.

Tinuke smiled and beckoned on him to come closer.  Everyone decided giving them some privacy. David immediately understood that Kunle was the guy whom Tinuke couldn’t live without and because of him, she had tried committing suicide.

What a love? He thought. He wished he was the one in Kunle’s shoes as he walked out of the patient room.

I love you. Kunle said immediately the doctor left. I’m sorry for all I did and caused you. I never knew what came upon me

You love me? After breaking my heart on my birthday, packing out of your house without letting me know where you relocated to and changing your phone number? Tinuke asked angrily.

 Kunle! What exactly did I do to you to deserve being treated like THAT?

 What?

I loved you so much that I almost took my life because I thought I had eventually lost you. Thanks to my parent and friend who care enough to save me from myself and my obsession for you. If I had killed myself would you be saying this over my dead body? She asked

I am truly sorry dearie…I love you. Said Kunle

Yes I do, Kunle…I used to love you before I died ….I guessed I woke up a different me. Replied Tinuke

Kunle, you left me and went into a new relationship, so I heard, why come back now? Have you broken her heart too?

I had to break the relationship because I took a wrong decision by leaving you. I’m here now, replied kunle on his kneels

You don’t have to do that Kunle, I need you to go back to her. I am done with this relationship because I know you will never be the Kunle I knew and once loved.

Cut all your apologies out Kunle, I don’t want to have a re-run of your acting. You have left me so effortlessly and open scars in me. I wonder what you want to come back to do? Heal them? Am sorry, that’s so impossible. Falling out of love hurts, but falling for a betrayer is even worst. Kunle, am not interested in empty promises.

I would make up for my damages begged Kunle still on his kneels.

Kunle, I can’t erased the tears you’ve put on my face, the pain you inflicted on me and the times you’ve hurt me. It would always be there at the end of the day. 

Tinuke, please give me a second chance. He said with tears.

No I can’t. I gave you a first chance and you threw it inside the trash. You were so heartless kunle. How do you expect me to continue in this when I have seen the real you? Thanks for making me see the GOOD in your GOODBYE.

Knowing that you are everything I thought you were never. My dear, it’s over! I’m moving on from where you left me. You have made me understand that I can live without you now.

Tinuke……

‘Please let me be!’ Interrupted Tinuke as she pressed the emergency button. A nurse came and she said: I would like to be alone nurse.

Turning to kunle, the nurse waited for him to exit the room which he did surprisingly. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. He had expected Tinuke to jump on him happily; after all, she had almost committed suicide because she couldn’t live without him. What had changed her mind?

Wow! He had heard the news that she had gotten a job in a multinational company and that had really excited him and wanted her back to the relationship….but she had rejected him. The feeling of rejection embraced him so hard that he felt so terrible. Maybe she wanted to punish him for a while. He decided going back to apologize one more time.

No! I can never be rejected! You will always be mine!

Whenever I want you! He told himself.

I am to choose to let you go or stay. Now he wanted her badly not because he loves her but because he could never imagine being rejected.

Walking back to the hospital, he saw Tinuke smiling happily to a younger doctor.

Quite a handsome doctor he thought

Tinuke, I really like you. David said

Blushing at the doctor in front of her, she replied ‘Thanks’.

You are quite a case Tinuke, I still find it hard to believe that the day I met you in the eatery, you were eating that piece of cake on a stomach filled with poison. Tinuke smiled and replied ‘Can you imagine I wanted to end my precious life because of a guy who care less about me?

Am grateful for the way my mother and best friend use to stop me

Yes, but thank God I met you.

Tinuke smiled again.

So what’s it? Giving me a try? David asked.

Well….when there’s life, there’s hope. Uhm….let’s start with a date on Friday replied  Tinuke.

Kunle heard this and walked away. This was enough for a day. He headed straight to make up with Lola. At least I still have her, he thought

Tinuke smiled as she decided to have a last nap in the hospital before finally leaving for home. All she could see is the smiling face of the doctor in her dreams. She smiled back and realizes that he was actually there, standing and watching her.

David stooped and planted a kiss on her cheek ‘Welcome to my life!’

She hepled herself up and couldn't help but hug David. She had wanted to do this in her dream and being in his arm felt so good .

Mrs. Adeoye watched her daughter from afar and was so happy to see her smile again with hope that love had found her.

Yes, she had finally seen the good in goodbye and had given love another chance. This may be it or not…..But when there is life, there is hope!