Saturday, 31 December 2016

LOVE....OUT OF MY PAST



It was my first time of seeing the cloud after five years. I tried smiling but it was in vain. Have I forgotten to smile, I asked myself as  I Iooked around me. There were five of us, two females and three males. We were surrounded by people who came to see if the news about the five who had escaped the ritualist abode was real. Everyone looked with sympathy, some in tears, other were constantly shaking their heads with folded hand. One of the sympathizers, an old woman, kept looking at me and crying. I wasn’t surprise. If I were in her shoes, I would have done likewise. My case was the worst among the five escapees.

I was still lost in my thought when I saw her..yes…her chin, her nose…and her eyes, it was so obvious that we were cut from the same cloth. I tried smiling again after seeing her, this time, I succeeded.  She was my mother.  She walked towards me, knelt down and reached my face with a trembling hand. She was in tears, it was obvious she has not slept for a long time. How long it is, only God knows. My father was also beside her. He held me and tried so hard not to cry when he saw my protuding tommy but was betrayed by tears.

Friday, 2 January 2015

MY TEMPLE...


It was the beginning of the month of April and I can still remember everything. Lectures were just so crazy that I hardly had time for a “me appointment”.  I visited the library always that month to make sure I did all my assignments and read for the exam that was fast approaching. Little did I know that in the midst of my busy schedule, something beautiful was coming my way. Reading was actually my way of trying not to think about my state of emotional instability. It became a therapy for me, a way of forgetting how hurt I was. How much I wanted peace within me. I added the bible in the evening as one of the books I read daily and that worked the magic. Even if I could not have a “me time” with myself, I had a time out with God every evening. During one of the times out with him, I specifically told him I wanted peace. I told him I wanted to start all over again spiritually and especially emotionally by walking according to his direction. Of course, he heard me because he was there, always there to listen. He strengthened me and gave me the courage to let go off my obsession. When he was sure I was ready, he brought you to me.
 

You are like a seed planted in my life to bless me and give me a hope to expect a pleasant fruit during the harvest season. You came into my life at first as: a friend that loves God; a friend I could talk to; a friend that listens; gives good advice and; made my day. Little did I know that the friendship was bound to grow within me. I was scared at first to face my feelings because I knew I had fallen in love. I fought it, pushed it away, tried to run away from you, but couldn’t do that for long. It was too late to do that, my heart told me. You have ravished my heart already with your calmness. You were already like a bed of spices, like a sweet pot of flowers. In short, you were altogether lovely that I could not refuse to give in to my feelings. If asked about my special day(s) in a year, apart from Oct 6, my birthday; I would surely mention August 5 when we started something new by deciding to relate in the same ship. Then of course, January 3rd, your birthday!!!

My dove, my beloved and my undefiled, today is a special day for you. It is also special for me because you are now a part of my life. You are the calm that drains my rage, bliss upon my shores.

Happy birthday to my love, a sea around my heart: part shelter, part enduring word, part mirror of my art. When I say happy birthday, it means more than have a happy day. Within these words lie lots of things I never get to say. It means I love you first of all, then thanks for all you do. It means you mean a lot to me, and I’m proud of you. But most of all, I guess it means that I am thinking of you this very special day. I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU!!

Sunday, 7 July 2013

KILLING ME SOFTLY..


KILLING ME SOFTLY


Dear Editor,

Every woman they say has a breaking point….for me, I wonder if there was. I could take anything…It was indeed a story never to forget…
It began last year when I met Bolaji at a bus-stop. We exchange number and gradually became close and more flirtatious. We used to talk every evening online for hours, text each other constantly and exchange pictures. I had never felt such a connection to someone. We never ran out of things to talk about and I quickly became attached to him. Month later, without explanation he became cold. I confronted him but he has no reason for his action.
Few weeks later we rebounded and became flirtatious again, but he said that he didn’t want to be anything but friends. I felt I was treated like a toy, picking me up and putting me down whenever he feels like. I was so desperate for things to work out. It became a true emotional roller-coaster. We agreed to be friends but I cried for the duration of this. I wanted more….
The silent treatment was what he used; feigned apathy, cold-shoulder, silence, distance, withdrawal of affection and ignoring me. That was the worst form of emotional abuse. It was indeed a punishment used by him to make me feel unimportant, not valued, not cared about and completely absent from his thought. I was banished without the benefit of a goodbye, a cancel of reconciliation. In short he psychologically murdered me for something I might have done;
Why in goodness name have I allowed myself to suffer through all his forms of abuse? This would be a question I will forever ask myself. For now it is a pass…I used to love him. My love eventually stop during the last episode..when exactly? I don’t know...I guess gradually. However the good news is my love is gone…the bad news is that he left me with a damaged self esteem