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I've found that many people tend to not speak up when something bothers them, thinking that it is trivial to mention it. Unfortunately, what happens is after repeated times of not speaking up, some small occurrence happens and it ends up being the straw that broke the camel's back. The other partner, more often than not, has no clue what they are upset about and therefore think they are over-reacting.
I feel like this is the story of our friendship. I hate arguing with you; I hate hearing that pain-filled tone of your voice, I'm not naturally an angry person; you know that from when you first met me. I have so many bad memories, so many moments that I hold myself in because they seem to be all that is left of me. I feel like a ghost created from torn webs of my past and I have brought all that into a relationship, thinking that past problems won't melt over into present dilemmas.
I'm sorry for not taking the time to be patient with you, to sit and listen and understand the way you feel. I'm sorry for hurting you and beating you down so often. If anyone shows a lack of respect in this friendship then I suppose it is me who is to blame.
I feel like you don't want to be near me, you don't want to really talk to me after what I've said and done towards you. If the ringer were on right now I would know that there was a chance for me to come to your side and say this in person. Anything to let you know that this is me saying I'm sorry, Bolade, I'm so, so sorry. If you could ever forgive me it would not go unappreciated, if not then it will not go misunderstood.
This is all I can say, and if you ask me to, I will say no more ever again to you.
I just want you to know that I never wanted to have us turn and go away I only wanted a break but now I know..... We might feel better if we stay. So I am laying down all of my pride, arrogance, ego, shakara, name it, to say: I am sorry.
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| Bolade |
